Preparing Your Child for a New Sibling

Getting ready for a second baby can be just as overwhelming and exciting as your first pregnancy. You are a pro at some things like changing diapers, feeding, taking care of a cranky and sick baby. But there are new hurdles to cross, like preparing your firstborn for the new sibling. The first few months after the baby’s birth can be exigent, as you have to take care of more than one kid. Your primary task would be to attend to your newborn, but do not forget to take into consideration your older kid’s wants and concerns. When you break the news of your pregnancy to your older kid(s), you may get a myriad of emotions, from being ecstatic, to nervous, to downright hostile! Funnily enough, in certain situations, you might not get a reaction at all. It’s nothing to be alarmed about. Children like a routine, and a new baby signals a change from that. We, as adults, also take time to adjust to a new environment. So it’s but natural that a preschooler will take a much longer time to understand and change to this new family dynamic.

How to Prepare Your Child for a Sibling

Sharing the News
• Tell your child about your pregnancy yourself, before he comes to know about it from others. Kids are very curious, so they are bound to ask where the baby comes from. You do not need to get into minute details. Most will be satisfied when you say “the baby will come from mom’s tummy.”
• Keep in mind that it’s best to let your child in on the secret before you are ready to share the news with the world as well.
• Be prepared that the initial reaction might not be that of pure happiness. On the other hand, the news may well be greeted with a feeling of resentment. This is but natural, because a new family member implies to your older child that he will no longer be the center of attention for his parents. Acknowledge your child’s reaction. Do not disregard your child’s feelings. Arrival of a new baby can be an emotional upheaval in your child’s life, especially if he is under five, so do not panic if he expresses a negative attitude towards your pregnancy.
During the Pregnancy
• Talk to him about babies as often as possible. Read age-appropriate books on pregnancy and newborns, and encourage them to voice their doubts and concerns.
• If your preschooler is heading toward any major milestone, put it off until after your newborn is a few months old. Potty training, new school/day care are all major aspects and may require your full-fledged attention. If you are thinking of moving your older kid into a new room/bed, either do it in the first two trimesters of your pregnancy so he is well adjusted to sleeping by himself, or just hold off till your baby is a few weeks old. Do not make this transition immediately after the baby’s arrival, since this will make the older kid feel left out and neglected.
Preparing for the New Baby
• Make it a point to involve your kid whenever you are preparing for your baby. This will make them feel special and important. Ask their opinion when you choose items like clothes, crib, and even baby names for that matter! Ask them to help out when you pack your hospital bag.
• If your friends have infants, or two or more kids, visit them often, so your kid can see for himself how a family with a baby feels like. If you like the idea and your friends permit you to, then have your child enact the role of the big sibling to the infant. Under adult supervision, have him hold, feed, and play with the baby. When your child gets a feel of the real thing, he knows what to expect.
• If possible, take your child to your prenatal visits and have him hear the heartbeats and view the ultrasound. This way he will be excited to actually connect with the baby. Find out if the hospital offers classes for siblings-to-be. Such classes offer orientation to would-be older siblings, and even gives them a chance to air their feelings about pregnancy and the new baby.
• Once you start feeling the “kicks”, have your child feel them too, it’s often a great way to build a close bond between your child and his unborn sibling. But do not force the child, if he does not seem interested initially.
• Buy a doll and play “baby” with your older child. Teach him how to handle and hold the doll, and let him practice.
After the Arrival of the Baby
• Your firstborn should be the first family member, other than your partner, who meets your newborn. Without too many family members around, he will react naturally when he actually makes eye contact with the baby. This could be an emotionally consuming moment for him, so be in tune with his feelings.
• A new baby definitely calls for lots of gifts! Arrange for some special “big brother” or “big sister” presents from the older child to the baby, and vice versa.
• Involve them in the daily care of the newborn, like cleaning, changing diapers. Ask him/her to fetch fresh diapers and clothes. Accept their help if they want to dress the baby or push the stroller around. Kids will feel very important if you tell them how great it is to be a big sister or big brother, and how lucky you are to have them around by helping to take care of the baby.
• A common effect noticed in older children after the arrival of a sibling is regression. They may act like babies, wanting to be fed and held, may cry incessantly, and even wet their beds. This is perfectly normal, and you need not worry about it. The focus of attention has now changed to the baby, and this is the older kid’s way of reclaiming it! Never scold your child if he shows signs of regression. All they really require is extra attention and a few more hugs to set things straight.
• Most importantly, make sure you set aside some time each day for your older kid. Amidst all the frenetic activities that ensue after the baby’s arrival, it is easy for your toddler or preschooler to feel lost. Initially, till the baby is just a few days old, enlist the help of a close relative your child is comfortable with, and ask them to take care of the older sibling. Once you get into a set pattern, make sure you and your partner spend a few minutes with your firstborn every day. Maybe during this time, you do not want to discuss baby with them, but other things like day care/school, their friends, daily activities, etc.
• Remind visitors to inquire about both your kids, not just the baby. Often, friends and family bring gifts only for the newborn, and this can really dampen a child’s spirits. Ask them to be equally attentive toward the older sibling.
Kids will take time adjusting to a sibling. Some might just naturally adapt themselves into the role of big brother/sister, while others may be a bit reticent about the change. Remember patience, and a whole lot of love is all you really need to pull through this phase. After all, it’s not just a new sibling you have provided your older kid with, but a friend for life!

By Sailee Kale

Top Ten Relaxation Techniques for Children

Relaxation is a state when the mind is free of stress. Relaxation techniques aim at helping you cope with stress and get rid of mental strain. They help you lock your worries away and feel positive about life. Your routine is an everyday thing. It fatigues your mind and then you crave for relaxation. A little time for yourself, to think of and do things you want to, is a great stress buster. It relaxes your mind and refreshes you to start working again. No one has ever been able to escape from stress, It’s a companion for life. Right from the day you are born, you are made to face pressures – the pressure to win, to excel, to succeed and to prove yourself in whatever you do. In a life fraught with stress, relaxation is a need.

Stress does not have to do with work and family responsibilities all the time. In this fast-paced and demanding life, even kids have to deal with stress. There are family issues like separation of parents and sibling rivalry. There’s peer pressure and the struggle to stay in the race. They have the pressure of scoring good grades and excelling in life. They have the pressure of living up to the expectations of their parents and teachers and then they have their own dreams. With so much in their lives, who says kids have no stress! Here we give you ten relaxation techniques for kids.

They do all that any relaxation technique is supposed to – help reduce anxiety levels in children and help them manage stress. If practiced regularly, they aid in maintaining normal blood pressure as well as the heart and breathing rates. They free the mind of stress and help achieve complete relaxation. They generate positive feelings in the mind and boost confidence.
Top 10 Relaxation Techniques for Children

1. Deep Breathing: This activity helps children relax by slowing their breathing rate, decreasing the heart rate and normalizing blood pressure. Teach your child to take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds and then release it. On inhaling, the abdomen should expand and not the chest. Deep breathing is the process of slow inhalation followed by slow and complete exhalation. It should be done in a comfortable position, sitting or lying down. Practicing deep breathing regularly has lasting effects on overall health.
2. Music: Play your child’s favorite music. It’s a great way to relax. Fast beats can increase the heart rate and induce a feeling of excitement in the child. Music played for relaxation should be soft. Religious music can have a soothing effect. Soft classical music is a good choice of relaxing music. Instrumental music is also an option. But it is said that a person’s individual preference of music can have the greatest impact on his mind. So play music that your child prefers. Music can give your child the strength to fight stress. It also serves as a good diversion from worries.

3. Exercise: With regular exercise, one becomes more capable of coping with stress. Exercise is known to generate happiness molecules, as they are called, which means it leads to certain hormonal changes that create a feeling of happiness and relaxation. Inculcate the habit of exercising in your child. Here we give you an exercise specifically aimed at achieving relaxation of the mind and body. Ask your child to lie down and relax his muscles, starting from the toes, traveling up thus relaxing his body. Instruct your child to keep his muscles relaxed, that is without tension or tightness in them. This is a good way of relaxation and easier for children to do.

4. Meditation: Meditation is the best way to relax your mind. It needs to be practiced individually, so children need to be taught the technique. A relatively simpler form of meditation is the breathing meditation. In this technique, one has to concentrate on his breathing, keeping the mind away from all external distractions. One has to instruct himself to pay attention to only his beathing and keep all negative thoughts away. Once your child learns this form of meditation, you can teach him to convey positive messages to his mind while meditating. Apart from relaxing one’s mind, this technique also boosts one’s confidene and makes one feel more positive. You can choose to play meditation music for the child and over time, combine meditation with yoga. Practicing yoga is an excellent way to achieve both physical fitness and mental relaxation.

5. Laughter: “Laughter is the best”, medicine they say. It really is. It makes you forget your worries. You feel rejuvenated and relaxed. Give your children reasons to laugh. Comics, kids’ comedy movies, funny stories and jokes can serve the purpose. Laughter is also a good exercise for facial muscles. For the positivity laughter brings, it’s one of the best relaxation techniques for kids and adults alike.

6. Toe Tensing: This is a method of drawing tension down to the toe. It can seem difficult for a child but with practice, it can prove to be a good relaxation technique. This is an exercise that involves lying on the back and allowing yourself to tense your toe. Ask the child to pull his toe muscles towards the body and hold the position for ten counts. Do 4-5 repetitions of the exercise.

7. Visualization: Experts say that picturing things you like can make you feel relaxed. Let the child imagine good things happening to him and visualize anything that gives them pleasure. For someone it could be visualizing a trip to Disneyland, for someone, it could be imagining becoming a famous actor. Ask your child to imagine his dream coming into reality. This has to be done with closed eyes. The thoughts and imagery of a positive picture makes a person feel relaxed.

8. Taking a Break: A break from routine is an effective way to relax. It allows you some time to switch off from work. When your child feels stressed, let him take a break and rest for a while. Encourage your child to spend some time pursuing his hobbies. That’s for sure relaxing. Kids these days are almost as busy as we adults are. A hectic schedule gives them no time to break free. Give them that. A short break will give them the energy to get back to routine things. Taking small breaks during the day, thus taking some time off for oneself, is definitely a great relaxation technique. Teach your children that and they’ll also learn to manage time.

9. Binaural Sound: Experts recommend exposure to binaural sounds as a good way for relaxation. The technique involves listening to binaural sounds for around half an hour every day. It is known to generate signals of wavelengths that can reduce stress and also enhance one’s creativity. It is advisable to seek guidance about how to use this technique with children.

10. Introvert: This technique might sound difficult, but if given proper training, children pick up really well. It serves as a very good way of getting rid of stress. With introversion, you can go to the root of whatever is causing you stress. Through introversion, you reflect on yourself and the situation at hand. You understand yourself better, whereby you are able to cope with stress more effectively. Help your child acquire this technique. It will go a long way in making your child stronger and abler in dealing with stress.

Why Do Children Lie?

Have you noticed how your child has recently started lying a lot, even for things that don’t matter? It all started with his imaginative stories and now he wouldn’t stop lying about everything. This is very bothersome for a parent because you don’t want your child to grow up to be a liar. You can stop his lying now before it is too late. But, let’s understand why do kids lie before we talk about the solutions to this problem.

Most children lie at a certain point in childhood. They cannot differentiate right from wrong and somehow start to believe that lying is more effective than truth. A child develops personality traits, observing the environment around him. Don’t be in denial if you notice your child is lying. Children can start lying at any age. However, what matters is the age at which they deliberately start lying. Child psychologists suggest that this age is generally around 4 to 6 years.

The problem is that you cannot really tell if your child is lying unless you catch him/her red-handed or discover the truth. But, since you are reading this article, I am guessing you already have. Now you must wonder, why do children lie? What could possibly make a young child lie about trivial things in life? Well, you just said it. Children are very impressionable at their age. But, you should not pass it off thinking he/she is just being creative. They have started lying now and if not stopped, they will become compulsive liars later and it will really become hard to tell if they are lying. There could be several reasons why children lie that you may have absolutely neglected. Pay attention to these points and understand what makes children lie.

Reasons Why Kids Lie

Imitating Parents: Have you often caught yourself telling your child, “Don’t tell your mom/dad about this”, or blatantly asked them to lie to someone you wanted to avoid like attending a call and telling the caller that you are not around. You may have never thought that such a simple thing could affect your child’s psychology adversely. This is the point where children notice their parents doing something which they have been taught is bad or wrong, like lying. But, they start copying their parents habits because parents are role-models for children. So, when parents lie around kids, they start doing it too.

Truth Got Them Into Hot Water: Did you ever punish your kid when he/she admitted to having broken the vase, eating all the pies or not doing their homework? You are unknowingly negatively conditioning them and they become scared of telling you the truth. Their innocent and young minds start perceiving truth as something that will get them into trouble so they start lying to not get into trouble. It is their defense mechanism. They start lying because when they lie, you become happy since you are not aware of the truth and you don’t punish them. You might even end up rewarding them, under the wrong impression of the truth.

Filling the Gaps: When your kids interact with other children who brag about say – eating two scoops of chocolate-chip ice cream, buying a new home theater system or a vacation to Hawaii, your kids start feeling inadequate and inferior around their playmates. So, to get more competitive, they start exaggerating about incidents, making up stories and lie about accomplishments in their own family tree. They want to impress other kids around them and pretend to have the best life among them to make them feel jealous. It also helps them to make themselves feel better about them. This is pure innocence and again a result of their psychological defense mechanism.

They Don’t Remember: Quite possibly, your child does not remember something and denies doing anything. You may think that your child is lying but they really are not. It may be about finishing their homework or eating a pie. In their minds, they believe to have done or not done something and they respond accordingly. Understand if your child is doing it purposely or if they have really forgotten about things.

What Should You As Parents Do?
• A young mind is very susceptible to the events in its surroundings. Now that you know, why do children lie, make sure you set the right example for them to follow. Practice what you preach. Don’t lie, especially when your kids are around. Keep them out of it.
• When you realize that your kid has been lying lately, have a talk with them. Don’t scold them for it. You must tell them that it is wrongful behavior on their part to lie to anyone. Tell them the consequences of lying a lot with a story like that of the shepherd and the wolf.
• If your children lie a lot even after telling them not to, you can punish them by not talking to them, cancelling your family excursion over the weekend or not letting them have any play time. They will soon understand that what they did was wrong and won’t do it again.
• Encourage your children to read short stories that build their morals and ethics. They will help your child build a strong character when they grow up by subtly teaching them about good and bad.
• Encourage your children to speak the truth and appreciate them for being brave.
• Control television viewing. Children also pick up behavior, especially lying, from television shows and even the cartoons meant for kids. You must keep a watch at what your kid is watching and let TV time be only in your presence. You wouldn’t like it if your child started learning things that were out of your control and then behaved badly.
• Don’t have too high expectations from your children. When you compare your child to other children, he/she subconsciously has a fear of disappointing you. When they do not meet your expectations and fear disappointing you, they start lying to hide their flaws. Make your child feel comfortable to share things with you so you can give him/her your full support to improve upon those problems.
• Children have a habit of boasting to their friends about what they own to enforce their superiority. That is peer pressure in kindergarten. Talk to your children about them lying to their friends about material possessions. This is not a good sign because they will grow up to become one of those people who only care about money. You need to make your kid understand that they should be grateful to God for what they have and strive to achieve what they don’t have. They will learn to value things and be proud of them.
• Although this is an extreme step, but when you have been unsuccessful at getting your kid to stop lying, you can take them to a counselor. Preferably talk to the school counselor about your child’s behavior. If your kid is shy about talking to you, they may open up to another elder who is willing to help them out.
The initial years are the time you can help promote emotional intelligence in children. You must pay special attention towards their behavior because more often they tend to develop negative attitude out of neglect. You should be very gentle with your children unless a situation demands otherwise. By age 7, your child will hardly be scared of lying to you and will use it as a tactic in social interactions to avoid threat. You can instill the values of honesty in your children right from the age of 2-3 years old. Their perceptions start to form as they are introduced to the society. Although, you cannot prevent your children from learning about the concept of lies, you can certainly stop them from adopting it and losing their innocence.
By Urvashi Pokharna

How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship with Your Parents

The relationship between you and your parents can sometimes take a turn for the worse. Instead of neglecting the situation and worsening it further, find out what you can do to rectify matters and maintain a healthy relationship with your parents.

How often do we hear people saying that the relationship they share with their parents is not as harmonious as it used to be? Who is to blame in such a situation? As you grow older, the relationship between you and your parents can turn more complex. Not everyone is lucky and claim that they share a great rapport with their own parents. As you age, your points of view on life may greatly differ from those of your parents. Due to the generation gap, there is a huge scope for misunderstandings to crop up between the parent-child relationship which can lead to a conflict. Let’s see what you can do to maintain a fulfilling relationship with your parents, first, as a teenager, and then as an adult.

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship with Your Parents

As a Teenager
First and foremost, respect your parents for who they are, and what they have done for you. Behave responsibly and maturely. Carry out the duties your parents have assigned to you. If you complete your daily chores on time, you will realize your parents don’t nag you so much after all! Do not go out of the way to do something which your parents have forbidden you from doing. There must be a good reason why they feel you should not do a particular thing. Do not sulk about it and fight with them. Talk to them and find out their reason for denial. Explain to them your point of view. Reason it out. Talking helps. Arrive at a conclusion after both sides have explained their side of the story.

As you enter your mid-teens, you will realize you want to be independent, from choosing what to eat for breakfast, to buying your clothes, and making new friends. This shift is going to cause a clash between you and your parents, who, till date, did all the shopping for you and monitored what you ate. Keep in mind that parents will not agree to your decisions right away. You will feel you have controlling parents, and that there is no way out of this situation. To avoid further conflict, talk to them. Hear them out. It’s the best way to resolve a lot of problems you feel have risen between your parents and you. You may even feel this is an impossible situation to be in. But keeping your cool is important. It might take some time for your parents to realize that their little kid is growing up and is entitled to his or her own opinions. There is no need to worry about it a lot. This is a common situation in every house with a teen, and remember, as teens themselves, your parents too went through this stage at some time or the other, so it’s something they can relate to.

Make it a point to talk to your parents every day, whether it’s your school/college life, friends, your day-to-day activities, your teachers, just about anything. If you are stressed about any problems at school, discuss it out with your parents. Come to think of it, who knows you better than them? They are the best people to help you out and deal with it. Be honest with your parents, and keep them up-to-date on your whereabouts, so they do not worry about you a lot, which decreases the tension. Do not hide things from them. If they realize you are keeping things from them, it will gradually lead to distrust.

If your parents have put restrictions on you staying out late at night, follow them. Remember, you are still a teenager, and your parents are responsible for your safety. Arguing and whining about any matter bothering you will not help. If you act sensibly and maturely, it will make your parents see you in a whole new light, as responsible young adults, and you would not have much to worry about maintaining a strong relationship with them.

As an Adult
When you grow older, you develop a sense of personal independence, which can put you at a distance from your parents. Remember that your parents are not getting any younger either. Listening to each other and understanding each other’s point of view is central to building a healthy relationship with your parents. You may feel that their opinion on a certain matter doesn’t count much, but try to remember, they are older and wiser than you, and they have your best interests at heart when they offer advice. They will certainly not want you to make the same mistake they committed when they were younger. Now that you are an adult yourself, the parent-child relationship evolves into a relationship between two adults. Agreed, some things never change, you will always be their kid, no matter how old you are. To avoid such a situation from bothering you, treat your parents as fellow adults and friends, rather than as your mom and dad. At some point, willingly or unwillingly, they will have to “let go” and realize you are grownup.

Make it a point to meet them, at least once a week if you live in the same town, or call more often if you cannot visit each other a lot. Communicate with them as much as possible. They are entering old age, and need to spend quality time with their children. Share your life with them, ask them about theirs. Make them feel wanted. As kids, didn’t you come back from school and chatter endlessly about your day’s activities with your mom? Much in the same way, talk to them about your job, your kids, your interests, and you will realize they are just as much delighted to listen to your stories!

If there’s something about your parents that bothers you, discuss it with them. It could be your dad, offering you unwanted advice on your car, or your mom giving her opinion on your wardrobe and kids. Gently let them know what you think of the situation. If you do not talk about it and keep it to yourself, the resentment will only grow, which will gradually put a strain on your otherwise healthy relationship. Avoid an argument at all costs, especially if you have a strong feeling it will lead to a conflict. If they still offer unsolicited advice, put on a smile and just listen to it. You are of course entitled to make your own choice!

Try to work together on activities you both know you enjoyed doing together. With mom, it could be shopping or cooking; with dad, it could be gardening, fishing, or carpentry. Participating in such tasks will strengthen the bond you share with your parents. Create opportunities that will interest you both. For example, if they are not too tech savvy, teach them computer basics, and you will see how excited they are at the thought of communicating with you through chats and emails, especially if you live far off.

A lot goes into keeping a relationship secure and healthy. It’s a two-way traffic. When you become a parent yourself, you will realize the sacrifices your own parents made to provide you with a comfortable life. Solve any problems you may have faced with your parents, and do not harbor feelings of resentment and guilt. Dwelling on unpleasant memories you might have shared with your parents in the past will keep you from opening up and amending the relationship. Communication is the key. Love and respect them for what they are and everything that they have done for you, and no doubt, they will in turn respect you for turning into responsible adults.

By Sailee Kale

How to Deal With Jealousy Among Children

Just like adults, children can experience and act out feelings of jealousy that can often be painful for them and other family members. Often parents’ first reaction is to scold or shame the child, but this often makes the situation worse. Helping a child deal effectively with jealousy at a young age can help him deal with similar feelings he may experience in adulthood.
Children experience jealousy for a number of reasons, involving everything from a new baby to their mother’s new boyfriend to good old sibling rivalry. Some children have a more jealous nature than others and will be prone to comparing what she receives–material things, attention from parents, good grades–to what her sibling receives. In the case of a new baby, the child that was once the baby of the family now feels replaced, ignored or unloved, and feels jealous toward the new baby, who is receiving all the attention. Some children can become very attached to their parents and feel threatened when a new friend or romantic partner enters their mother’s or father’s life.
Dealing With Jealousy
Children shouldn’t be punished for having feelings of jealousy; jealousy is a natural human emotion that all individuals experience. Rather, they should be taught to deal effectively with the emotion and to handle situations that cause them to feel jealous. There are also things that parents can do to alleviate jealousy between siblings or between a child and a new member of the household, including treating each child as an individual rather than as equals, avoiding comparisons between children and spending special time alone with the jealous child without other siblings or household members.
Learning From Jealousy
Children will continue to experience jealousy throughout their lives if they do not learn to properly cope with the feelings and if they suffer from feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth–feelings that are often developed in childhood and carried into adulthood. Jealousy in children can be viewed as a positive opportunity to teach children about coping with these feelings. These childhood lessons, if properly taught, can help the child lead a happier and more stable life as an adult in a world where competition is rampant.

Children often bicker and argue with one another. These feelings intensify when jealousy is involved, but it’s important for children to learn conflict resolution skills. Here are some ways to effectively deal with jealousy among children.
1. Allow the children to honestly express their feelings about one another. Don’t downplay a child’s feelings, or try talking them out of feeling the way they say they feel. Children feel their parents understand them best when their feelings are acknowledged.
2. Avoid making comparisons because it is not an effective way of dealing with jealously among children. Comparisons stir jealous feelings and can make one child angry, possibly wanting to get even with the child receiving the praise.
3. Create a system for equal distribution to reduce the occurrence of squabbles. Make sure everyone receives the same amount of juice each morning, takes turns equally choosing what to have for lunch, and deciding what to watch on television.
4. Treat children as individuals instead of trying to make them seem equally the same. Point out the things that make each child unique so they feel special and loved for who they are.
5. Set boundaries and insist your children respect one another. For example, explain to your kids that they should always ask before borrowing one another’s things or ask to be invited before entering each other’s bedrooms.

Read more: How to Deal With Jealousy Among Children |

Important methods to lead your child to succeed

Mother has a great role in helping her son succeed in the school. There are some important methods to assist him:

Connect with your child’s teacher.

Many schools and kindergartens arrange introductory meetings with students’ parents in the beginning of the year. So, try to keep in contact with your child’s teacher and arrange meetings with her; this will affirm that you are interested in the achievement of your child and will help you recognize more about his behavior and educational achievement.

Connect with school administration.

The clever mother is to create a connection between her and the school administration. So, you can introduce both your child and you to the principal and make a visit from time to time to ask for your child.
Moreover, you have to encourage your child to talk about him/ herself and events happened at schoolboy asking yes/no questions and giving example for his answers.

Encourage your child

It is very important to support your child and activate him to participate in the school activities. These activities will help you to discover the skills and talents for your child.

The national dialogue .. to where !‎

Written by: fayez zaqout‎
The Palestinian people is in a state of despair because of the delaying of national ‎dialogue sessions again and again whether tactically programmed, for factional ‎interests or even for regional interests.‎
Despite the national reconciliation and dialogue is a legitimate right for the ‎Palestinian people in its all categories because the Palestinian people is the only ‎one who pays the price of the two parties conflict.‎
At the grassroots level, citizens major concern of the dialogue sessions is ‎community based reconciliation, specially after the division state which scattered ‎‎ and dissolve the social fabric of the Palestinian community.‎
The Palestinian society is a tribal society who take in consideration restoring his ‎respect and answering back insults, but the occupation daily practices against ‎the Palestinian people reduced this reaction to revenge, and is replaced by ‎tolerance and forgiveness principles, the principles which our religion calls for ‎and we hope that it would be the dominate in the community reconciliation ‎process.‎
Civil society in its all components, organizations, factions, universities, and all ‎categories of youth, women, community leaders and intellectuals play a role in ‎enhancing social values such as forgiveness and tolerance which employed to the ‎interest of community based reconciliation, but these components need more ‎efforts by the organizations and centers that work specifically on national ‎dialogue and community based reconciliation, they should pressure on both ‎conflicted parties to accept the principle of serious dialogue away from ‎controversial and procrastination, also imposing the law and punishing the ‎offenders, as well as raising awareness that the interests of our homeland should ‎prevail any other interests for its developments also reintegrating the Palestinian ‎community and reconstructing Gaza after the persistent aggressions against Gaza ‎strip.‎

Household violence and abuse within the family

Written by:Nour Jaber

Relations among family are the main axes for human life and man existence.
Then where is violence and why for violence and where the psychological, physical, social, economical and sexual abuse among family, and how it happen, perhaps the most important reason for household violence is the collaborating of emotional intensity characteristics with personal intimate relations in family life, and family ties are always charged with emotions whether by love or hate, so we usually see quarrels as a result of retracting hatred feelings to love or the opposite.
The other reason can be that tolerance and indifference in such Quarrels in society would make it end as a phenomenon, but remains inwardly and children gain it from the surrounding and the rest of family.
Household violence is an acquired behavior from family or one of family members, and is not the result of genes, since the child learns about life by acquisition which become later a daily behavior practiced routinely, for instance , girls like to imitate their mothers in the way of speech, clothing, while boys always act as their fathers specially in the early years from three to five years old, this period called the “serious” period to acquire behavior.
To sum up the household violence is the result of upbringing and acquiring customs from family first and society, so if we want to change or alleviate this phenomenon from society it depends on where we are, what we want, and our behaviors which are our children’s heritage after us, and to look to ourselves before looking to a phenomenon which caused by us.

Palestine is the Only Absent Element from our Leaders Agenda

yes for national reconciliation, yes for the unity of Gaza and West Bank, yes to end the division status, tens of slogans which is risen up everyday in every spot of this fragmented homeland, tens of girls and boys every day call upon unity and ending division status, through hundreds of activities, but it seems that our leaders became deaf and blind, and they cannot see or hear anymore.
Indeed it is strange how the Palestinian leadership is as if all of them like to be discriminated, different and unique un like the others.
History and humanitarian experiences in all nations that differed and fought each other, taught us that if leaderships start initiatives for the nation reconciliation and ending the fragmentation and division status.
Implementing national programs to convince the nation the necessity of forgetting the past and everyone starts to work together to serve our country Palestine or the remnant of Palestine.
We can see that the people of Palestine is the one who pities the leaders to reach reconciliation or work for the interests of country which is the only absent element in their political calculations.
A big question which imposes itself, why for all of these complications ? and why the leadership insists on putting obstacles under big replicated terms, they once call for national reconciliation and some times not to give up other times regional pressures, isn’t it better for both parties to move forward, as I think all Palestinian political factions bear the historical responsibility without an exception and not only Fatah and Hamas.
They should realize that the Palestinian people got bored because of these silly negotiations and the they became aware and believe that all these conflicts are nothing but an endeavors to gain more factional benefits, as if it was a negotiation between two enemies or countries and they all forgot that the achievement will not exceed a little bits presented from Israel.
Didn’t the leadership recognize that the only victim who pays for their conflicts and silliness is the Palestinian people, while they still enjoying all luxury and welfare life and were not affected by the division and siege, acting on television as if they care .
I wonder didn’t the leaders read the public opinions, didn’t they get scared by the average of people who wants to immigrate, wasn’t the huge number of people who don’t trust sufficient to stop them.
Didn’t they take into consideration that we are able to account them for what they commit against us and against the remnants of this country.
A word that I would like to say as a citizen and which I think that lot of people wish to be able say it, wake up leaders before it comes a time in which young generation curse you before old ones, wake up and keep Palestine in your mind and not your factions , wake up and listen to your people voices and not your positions because all of what you own will not ever last, the only remnant is what you present to this fragmented homeland.

Standstill between two positions


The date to held the sixth conference of Fatah movement is approaching, tomorrow will ‎mark the long- awaited conference for twenty years, twenty years generations arose and ‎generations died and others failed to work because of disease.‎
The delay in holding the conference for two decades is an indicator to a critical ‎organizational crisis experienced by the movement.‎
It is unreasonable in history that a political movement or state waits all this time to held ‎its conference, and in spite of all excuses, conflicts and justifications which may convince ‎us, waiting all this time indicates a vital and dynamic crisis which the movement ‎experiences.‎

Finally it is decided to held the conference in Palestine in Bethlehem on the forth of ‎august 2009. We as Palestinian citizens felt optimistic that finally there is a decision to ‎held the conference and this shows to some extent that there is a trend to make decision, ‎specially in the time of no decisions and the administrative and political anarchy, we ‎thought that holding the conference itself can be positive in improving the movement ‎status and restructuring it , also reviewing its performance, because we believe that a ‎healthy Fatah would return in benefit for Palestinian people, specially because it is ‎considered one of the main political components in the Palestinian arena.‎

Regardless of the method of selecting the members of conference, whether it is based on ‎unfounded or tainted by some defects as the exception to some active forces within Fatah; ‎this is a matter of Fatah persons, I don’t allow myself to interfere as I am an independent ‎Palestinian, but I can reach conclusions which are not encouraging for the output of this ‎conference.‎

The organizers for this conference made a great effort to persuade Israel to allow to the ‎outside members of the conference to enter the west bank, most of the efforts succeeded, ‎only a few members Israel prevented them to enter the west bank and this in turn leads ‎us to two questions:‎

‎*why similar efforts didn’t made to convince Hamas to allow the members of the ‎conference from Gaza strip to participate?‎

‎*does Israel become more understanding and tolerant to the needs of one of the main ‎political components of Palestine (Fatah) of Hamas?‎

We will try to answer these two questions to clarify the tragic image for the Palestinian ‎situation.‎

The leadership of didn’t contact Hamas to resolve this problem, either because they ‎consider that it is not a problem and they didn’t expect the responsible of Hamas would ‎take such a position of rejection as a matter of trust, and the right is Hamas should not ‎prevent the members of the conference from participating, or they don’t recognize the ‎existence of Hamas and deny its legitimacy accordingly would not behave modestly to ‎ask them such a request, and only they deal with the Syrian and Egyptian mediation to ‎resolve this problem and this in itself is unjustified arrogance because brothers have the ‎priority to be asked rather than strangers(Israel); and why Hamas rejects the participation ‎of the members of conference from Gaza while Israel allow this; isn’t this unacceptable ‎behavior from Hamas

If one looks to Hamas demands in order to allow the participation of members from Gaza ‎which includes the release of detainees in the prisons of Palestine national authority in the ‎west bank and having passport to Gaza, he would find it reasonable and legitimate ‎demands, then, why Fatah refuses the positive cooperation with these demands if they are ‎interested in the participation of the members of the conference from Gaza, specially that ‎this cost is required for the benefit of the Palestinian people, to release political prisoners ‎in the west bank will be a positive behavior to encourage dialogue and to allow access of ‎passports, and will grantee to Palestinian in Gaza to pay half of the cost which they pay ‎to the passport offices and brokers.‎

I don’t understand why Fatah refuses that, is it because they don’t have the ability to take ‎such a decision, then we say the Algerian proverb ” Allah Alghaleb” or they have the ‎ability but don’t want to take it, this in itself another problem. Although the legitimacy of ‎the demands of Hamas, why doesn’t Hamas allow the members of the conference to ‎participate in a courage and tolerant step whether Fatah responded to their demands or ‎not?‎

Aren’t Hamas raising the slogan of religion; religious is tolerance; good and bad aren’t ‎equal, then why not pay the way that is better?!‎

I call upon Hamas to take courageous decision to allow Fatah members to participate in ‎the conference as a good-will gesture regardless if Fatah responded or not, because in ‎such a big situation this will increase their respect and not the opposite and will open a ‎window of hope in success of the dialogue which is postponed since many months.‎
I also call upon the leadership of Fatah in the West Bank to deal positively with Hamas ‎demands.‎

The parties must present a glimmer of hope for the people because what is being done as ‎actions, reactions and arrogance against each other, spread despair and frustration among ‎the general public…. You both parties, fear your god, the one who starts peace is the ‎better.‎